when comparision its hard to compare and not completely fair to do it as we all are unique by our choices and thinkings and beliefs which caused the current life as its byproducts of multiple factors we see heard amd believed in we need to understand and believe in sonderness of life but that doesn’t give us permission to feel the ego boost and throwing the kindness into dustbin.
we need to make realization of fight club as well we are and our values on social lense are like compost heap and remains the same based on value creation and management of social intelligence of individual person and some flakes of luck as well
its been complicated where human has inate feeling of being recognised and felt dopamine/serotonin rush when being identified and understood by other human/s so they try to get that each time with expressing truth (rarely) being deceptive or finding win win situation or fitting in into socitical rules or chasing something where all are chansing to get.
Need to explain the tractic of catagorization from Robert saplosky as telling number of paints used building the painting on canvas something people never thought of where it creates new category in mind to evaluvate and they could be chance of grabbing attention or getting impressed. its been similar efforts from influencers and compaies to trick into social life of people>
its been always similar way and we need to acknowledge as its basic human desire as food and sex and we need to find ways to formulate as per our personality and choices we made till the present
end of theme should be like indetifying the human trait of comparision on each second with other stuffs from stuffs he has like clothes thoughts lifepath car bike soo many common items and it causes making life commitments evolve around to satify those cravings ehich never exists and making realise as it need to be treated and not useful if you want to live life in better way
first need to observe the emotions and try to document/memorise it then question yourself why did it came (most of cases its from our subconcious mind and past memories - the memories which we choose to keep it with us not actually make us better or worst - which made us real us today -nothing more nothing less)
once you are able to understand the nuanced memories and reason behind it you will start feeling the guilt or regret of having the feeling - exact feeling of comparing then don’t go into the vicious cycle try to accepting the past thing
other than that valuing present more than past and stop imagining the future keep changing the present by understanding your own actions and traits and accepting them quickly rather than overthinking them and start changing your own daily habits (in kannada we call it as Dinasadhane - daily efforts) it can surpass any traits or habits we have and help us to build better life we wished/expected/imagined throughtout out life.
I say not to expect anything in life but what to do at roots we all are humans with animal traits who seeks brain chems to be populated each time (Dopamine)
Fine tuned.
we are all unique snowflakes and also a compost heap#
yaar, i was talking to a friend last week. same friend i’ve known for years. and suddenly i noticed something.
the way he thinks about his life – the comparisons, the quiet jealousy, the need to be seen – it’s exactly how another friend thinks. and another. and honestly? how i used to think before i caught myself.
same traits. different people. different lives. same invisible wiring.
that’s when the word hit me: sonder.
the realization that every random passerby has a life as vivid and complex as your own. full of hopes, regrets, quiet victories, secret shames.
we all love that feeling, right? i’m unique. my struggles are special. my journey can’t be compared.
but here’s the other truth. the one fight club said out loud:
“you are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. you are the same decaying organic matter as everyone else.”
a compost heap. all of us.
comparison is a trap, but it’s also human#
here’s the problem.
we know we shouldn’t compare. everyone says “don’t compare yourself to others.” but we still do. every single day.
his car. her salary. his body. her relationship. his thoughts. her confidence.
and it’s not even fair to compare, right? because every person’s life is the byproduct of a million factors – what they saw, what they heard, what they believed, what accidentally happened to them at age seven.
you can’t compare a mango tree and a coconut tree. both grow. both give fruit. but different soil, different water, different sun.
so why do we still compare?
because we are human. and humans have an innate need to be recognized.
that dopamine hit when someone understands you. that serotonin rush when someone says “i see you.” that tiny warmth when your post gets likes.
we chase that feeling like food and sex. it’s that deep.
most people express it by:
- telling their truth (rare – scary)
- being deceptive (fake it till you make it)
- finding win-win (healthy but hard)
- fitting into society’s rules (safe but empty)
- chasing what everyone else is chasing (the herd)
all of it. just different flavors of the same hunger.
sapolsky’s trick: how influencers and companies exploit this#
robert sapolsky has this brilliant example. (full credit to him.)
he says: if you tell someone “there are 47 paints used in this painting” – they never thought about that before. you just created a new category in their mind. now they’re impressed. now they’re paying attention. now they think you’re smart.
this is exactly what influencers and companies do.
they create a new box. put you inside it. then sell you the way out.
- “you’re not lazy, you’re just neurodivergent” → now buy my course.
- “you’re not ugly, you just have the wrong skincare” → now buy my cream.
- “you’re not failing, you’re just in your flop era” → now buy my coaching.
same trick. new labels. your brain loves new categories. so you fall for it.
and look, i’m not judging. i’ve fallen for it too. we all have.
but once you see the trick, it loses some power.
so what do we actually do?#
here’s what i’ve started doing. it’s not perfect. but it helps.
step 1: observe the emotion#
next time you feel jealous. or inferior. or that itch to compare.
don’t act. just notice.
“ah. there it is. the comparison monster again.”
step 2: ask why#
most of the time, it comes from your subconscious. old memories. past wounds. a version of you from five years ago that still lives in your head.
ask yourself: why did this feeling come? what memory is it touching?
and here’s the hard part – the memory itself is not making you better or worse. it’s just a memory. you chose to keep it. you can choose to look at it differently.
step 3: feel the guilt or regret – then accept#
once you understand the reason, you might feel guilty. or regretful. “why am i still this way?”
don’t spiral. just accept.
“ok. i felt that. it came from something old. it doesn’t define me now.”
acceptance is not giving up. it’s stopping the war with yourself.
step 4: value the present more than the past or future#
stop imagining a better future where you’ve “arrived.”
stop replaying a past where you “failed.”
the only place you can actually change anything is right now.
dinasadhane – the daily effort that changes everything#
in kannada, we have a word: dinasadhane.
it means daily routine. daily effort. the small things you do every single day.
and here’s the secret yaar – daily habits can surpass any trait or personality pattern you have.
think you’re lazy? do one small thing every day for 30 days. you’re not lazy anymore.
think you’re jealous? every day, notice when you compare and gently look away. the habit fades.
think you can’t change? dinasadhane says otherwise.
big dramatic changes are rare. but small daily efforts? they compound. and over time, they rebuild you completely.
the uncomfortable truth at the end#
look, i said “don’t expect anything from life.” but that’s not fully true either.
at our roots, we are animals. biological machines seeking the next hit of dopamine. the next recognition. the next moment of feeling seen.
that need never goes away.
but you can formulate it according to your personality. according to the choices you’ve made until today.
you can’t kill the comparison instinct. but you can stop building your life around satisfying cravings that don’t actually exist.
that car? you don’t need it to be happy. you just think you do because someone created that category in your head.
that job title? same thing.
that validation from strangers? same thing.
the only real question is:
are you going to keep chasing ghosts? or are you going to sit with yourself, accept your own weird messy compost heap of a life, and start changing one small daily habit at a time?
what do you think yaar – does understanding the “why” behind comparison make it easier to let go? or is the chase too strong? drop your thoughts.
credits: robert sapolsky’s “categories as attention tricks” idea is from his lectures and books (behave, determined). the fight club compost reference is from chuck palahniuk’s novel/film. the concept of sonder is from the dictionary of obscure sorrows. the word dinasadhane is kannada. i’m just a guy connecting dots.